The Cat is a Conundrum
by Ellie Meowington
Summary: Every story has a beginning and everyone has a past. And it seems Edward Nygma and Selina Kyle go back further than anyone could ever guess. RiddlerxCatwoman Oneshot. Rated M for violence, language, and adult content.


**A/N: Hello there! Ellie here with my first published Batman fanfic! Yay! This has been in my mind for a while. This may stay a one-shot or develop into a full blown fic. I just ship Lina and Eddie so hard, I couldn't keep this tucked away. Now, on with the show! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Batverse or anything DC Comics related.**

"I'm telling you, Eddie, you would really like this coffee shop. It's brilliant. It's tucked inside a little nook of a book shop. Stan has taken me there before. You'll adore it." A young woman, of about 19, dragged her tall, thin friend with a crook nose, ruffled red hair hopping in the breeze as she pulled him by his arm down the streets in the heart of Gotham. The back of his blazer billowed in the wind as he held onto his fedora and somehow managed to keep his glasses perched at the very end of his nose. Eddie always astounded his friend in this way.

"Selina, really, why are we making such haste? Couldn't we travel at a more leisurely pace?" He felt himself flush as she looked over her shoulder at her with her short, cropped dark waves, pale yet sun kissed skin, and smiled her half smile at him.

"Eddie, don't be a party pooper." She stuck her tongue out and grabbed his hand, pulling him in tow and causing him to flush.

"I am no such thing, Selina. And please, call me Edward."

Selina held her friend's hand and chatted away merrily on their way to the book shop. She finally slowed down to a more lackadaisical pace and hummed as she swung Eddie's hand in hers. He wasn't astoundingly tall. He may be about six feet tall. Selina on the other hand was a tall young woman. In her platform heels, she was about an inch shy of Edward's height. How in the world did she walk blocks in those after all?

As they were chatting, Selina was looking at Edward. "I'm telling you, Eddie, there are so many poachers out there! And so many people just kill all of these jungle cats for fun or out of fear! If they would just respect them and have some manners, we…oof!" Selina was cut off as she ran into what felt like a wall in the middle of the sidewalk. Her ankle bent and she fell to the ground holding her head. "Who in their right mind puts a wall in the middle of a city sidewalk?"

"Question: What is as big as a wall, as dumb as a bag of rocks, and has the social graces of a charging warthog?" Edward said as he leaned on his handsomely made green umbrella he always carried.

Selina looked up to see her boyfriend. "Stan?

"Correct." Edward sighed.

"Selina, what have I told you about hanging out with this dweeb?" Stan growled.

"Stan. We're not in high school anymore. I can have friends. Right, Eddie?"

"Edward." Eddie corrected.

"Go home, Stan. I don't know why you keep following me. I don't need a babysitter. I'm not a child!" She crossed her arms as she sat on the ground and turned her scowling face away.

She cautiously got to her feet, switching her weight from her left leg, then right to test her injuries. She shakily regained her composure as Edward put his hand on her waist to steady her.

"Are you well, Lina?"

"Yeah…"

"You aren't about to be!" Stan grabbed her by her elbow and dragged her into the alley beside them. Selina's head swam in pain, then fury.

"Lina!" Eddie screamed in terror and dashed after the couple, umbrella in hand.

"Stan, it's not what it looks like. I swear! We were just going for some coffee!" Selina whimpered as he grabbed her by the hair.

"You don't come around for days and then I find you out with some old nerd! How am I supposed to react?! I haven't even touched you in weeks." A wicked smirk crossed his face as he ran his hand over her hip.

"Stop." She whimpered.

"Shut up." He growled.

Selina looked around the dark alley. Looking for a diversion, some escape from the ape groping at whatever he could find over her purple sundress. Suddenly, she spied Edward behind Stan, umbrella poised to swing. Selina mewled in false satisfaction and smirked at Eddie.

"En guarde!" Edward shouted and brought the umbrella down hard on Stan's head.

Stan's knees buckled as he hit the ground and Selina delivered a blow to his stomach with her knee. As he crumbled to the ground, Selina repeatedly kicked him in the stomach.

"You fucker! You've ruined me! Ruined everything! Robbed me! Die, die, die!" She repeated this and other incoherent, primal screams and growls as she kicked him in his face, stomach, throat, spine, and didn't stop until he convulsed, blood trickling from his lips. She drove the heel of her stiletto into his eye and gave out one more guttural scream of agony and fury.

She collapsed to the ground in sobs that raked her body.

Edward stood wide eyed over the corpse. Something about her screams, her spirit, and the passion erupting from her body enamored him. Such pristine beauty, never a hair out of place, holding such a capacity for passion and fury! He had always loved her. Ever since spotting her reading Sylvia Plath in the park and petting any stray cat that would come her way. Her wide eyed, innocent face with the body of a siren. All beauty and grace. A perfect specimen of female beauty. But how such anger and darkness dwelling in the heart of an angel was a riddle even he couldn't solve.

"Question: Who swims in a pool of emeralds every day, yet never drowns, nor feels pain? Who is this man that is in love with demon and angel, heaven and hell, woman and warrior?" Edward asked as he spun his umbrella nonchalantly in his hands.

Selina just sniffled in silence on the ground.

"No guesses? Not even an attempt? It's an easy question?"

She looked up at him with puffy red eyes and mascara running down my face. "Eddie, I'm…"

"Correct! Well, close enough,' _Edward E. Nygma _is in love with Selina Kyle' was the full answer. But that is also acceptable. I won't penalize you for technicalities of the linguistic nature."

He pulled her up by the waist and held her close. "And I will always love you." Selina smiled through her tears.

"Ditto, Eddie." She smirked.

"Oh, come now! At least say it." Edward huffed.

Selina crushed her lips to his, taking his face in her delicate hands. She pulled away and smiled.

"Now, Eddie, we had better scoot." She smiled and threw her other shoe at Stan's corpse. "What a waste of Louboutins." She huffed.

"I'll get you another pair, Lina." Eddie smirked.

"Selina." She corrected. "And Edward?" She put heavy emphasis on his full name.

"Yes, Suh-lina?" He smiled.

"I love you."


End file.
